Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish you could order shots online.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
