Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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