Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I believe in your delicious
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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