you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
