If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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