i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
