Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
