Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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