I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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