Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize