It's like God shit irony all over that family
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
