you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
