Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
