This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
