i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
