Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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