This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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