I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
