And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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