Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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