At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just cropdusted the office
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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