i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
