I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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