dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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