I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
