I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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