I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize