They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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