Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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