So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
