Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wear drunk well.
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