so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
