I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
third nipple confirmed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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