i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
