Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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