He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
