watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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