Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
