i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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