If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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