So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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