I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
