Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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