Where is the hickey?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
