I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
