worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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