there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
only if we run a train.
done.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
