If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize