Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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