I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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