Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
