You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
