You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
