Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
