Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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