That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
