Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
