oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
