if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
