She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
