It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
