i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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