Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
