I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
