I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
